Past Truth. Those #1 Chat Room throbs and pants. Painting pictures of myself with words and lines from another dimension. What goes around  comes around.

Final notes on death.

October 14, 2006. Well here I sit just about all burned up. The past week has been totally horrendous. In fact the past months have been that way. My life is a mess. I have no real friends, and I'll never have a lover again. Donna hates me, Simmer hates me, Jeanie probably hates, at least she will when she finds out how old I am. 

Simmer finally dumped me, as politely as she could of course. I know what I do, wallowing in my own shit. I know how it affects people when I lay it on them. I'm just lost. Donna doesn't want me, except to clean up after her and carrying her weight around. I'm pretty much her maid and pack horse. Last night I tried to get her to kiss me on the cheek and she refused so that tells me where its really at with her. It isn't ! We were finished decades ago. before we ever really got started. But now the game is over and It's too late to start again. Too old, too little, too late. I'm lost. - JoeC.

October 14, 2006. It's all over dick, she's never going to touch you again. And i mean both of them, maybe all of them. For sure I mean Simmer, and D, and probably Jeanie.

October 15, 2006. Went in to chat about three a.m. as ^^mindGames>>. Simmer pretty much immediately jumped on me after one or two of my comments and was giving me hell. Of course she had no idea who I was. French Kiss was in the room, she has been around for the past few days. We have had our moments over the past couple of days. French Kiss has been on my case about several things and I've given her a bit of a riding about things she has said. So tonight she jumps into my PC and I have a nice clean chat with her. She is young, 26, Aussie, named Suzie Q. I told her my name was Rick. She and I chatted for about 45 minutes , perhaps a little more. We talked about her pets, 5 cats (Frodo, Pippin, etc.), her dog a Maltese Terrier that is really young (like six months old or something), two ducks Merry the hen, and the drake is called ?. 

   Went back in to chat after a pee break as Freelove. I was calling on several of my favorites like Golly (32 f Britain), and I tried Katie (Niagara Falls, who I have been talking to for a couple of weeks now in the main room). She was not terribly interested in Freelove however Golly and Simmer both responded to some degree. 

 Since Simmer has been cybering with cyberstud (she calls him STUDLY) she has been in and out of the room for the past two or three weeks, perhaps a little longer. Anyhow there she is breaking all the rules that she laid down for JoeC. Like not using the L word. She and Studly are both using it in the main room. Others that try chatting with Simmer get the same thing JoeC got. Which was essentially , a rebellion against too much affection, too quickly, and the strong language including the word love.  Ya I knew those things already but man I am always pushing the limits aren't I! Whew! So essentially I shot myself in the head over this one, but from the beginning I knew that the age thing would separate us anyhow. So, fool me, I go for it with her and I quickly find out she is the same as most girls and doesn't want to hear that stuff until she has said it first. fuck. So I blew it and I knew I was blowing it right from the get go! WTF! lol. I've seen Simmer blow off more than one admirer and therein lies the extreme power women have over men, and they fucking know it!  Only the strong survive! And I'm not strong enough am I?

 
   I've just gone through a really rough couple of weeks with my emotions. Everything stems from my marriage relationship. With the turmoil in the chat room with Simmer and Jeanie I'm not sure where I stand. Fuck. I do see Simmer thinking things through sometimes too. What blows my mind is there she is flirting with Studly and she even comes into the room and publicly says things like "I hope he will show up" and of course I know who she is talking about and suddenly there he is and she is all over him. Fuck fuck fuck! Why couldn't I ever find a woman that loved me like that?! What rotten fucking luck! She has even been saying things in the main room when he isn't there like " He even wants me to fly over to New York!" I would say she has fallen for him. So much for her story to me (JoeC) that she didn't want a man and she was happy being alone. Women are such liars!